my horse, cricket, colicked suddenly last night. she was grazing calmly in the pasture, and when i checked on her an hour later she was rolling in the pasture and not getting up. we did all that we could but she was not getting any relief. the vet came out and told me that she had a large colon torsion and if we left for surgery right away she'd have about a 30% chance. i talked it over with my beloved teacher and mentor and we both decided that the risks and complications involved with the surgery were not worth putting her through just because i want her to be here. so an hour and a half after it all began, it ended and we put her down. i am devastated and heartbroken. she was 19 years old and my favorite lesson horse. she was the first horse that was completely mine and i only got to have her for 4 months. i know that she knew that she was no longer a lesson horse, and that she belonged to me. i know that she knew i love her. and i know she loved her new home. but i miss her terribly and this all feels like a surreal nightmare. in fact, i had a dream last night that she passed manure and we had all panicked for nothing.
i am an equine major. horses are my only passion. i have struggled often because though i love them and am dedicated, i never had my own to apply my knowledge to. now that this has happened i know that it does not mean that i shouldn't be in horses. i know that i watched her like a hawk and did everything i possibly could have. but it's hard because i want to run and not risk this happening again. i know that it is common and not my fault. but i'm scared that i'm cursed and horses are just not meant to be mine.
i have a piece of her tail, and i don't know what i want to make with it. i also have her halter. i think i'm going to get it embroidered and hang it in my room. if anyone has any ideas, i would love to hear them.